so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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