Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize