1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
