Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
