I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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