I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
