Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
