Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
