So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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