Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
