y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize