life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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