He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize