naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize