At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
