waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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