Screwed.edu
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
