What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
