Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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