At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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