my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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