$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Drake has all the answers
So. Much. Porn.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize