The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
should my penis look like a turkey
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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