My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
