there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
