Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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