my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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