C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
