I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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