i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
FUCK WHALES
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
