Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this will be a night to untag.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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