I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
