Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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