You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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