She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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