WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
