I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
