hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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