I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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