Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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