Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
only if we run a train.
done.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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