What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
