I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
