Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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