Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
