And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
