Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Still dying that you shit outside
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
