i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
