Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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