Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
