Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
