TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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