'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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