i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
