my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sorry my hands just texted you
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
