I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
