A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
