This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
