I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
