i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
