You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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