My liver just broke up with me...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize