Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
