so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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