HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he fucked my hip out of place.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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