Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
